Recurrent Dream

I have had this dream (not to be confused with  goal etc) from childhood that I get stuck in an elevator which is shooting upwards through the building, out through roof and goes up to the skies. I am not into reading dreams. But suddenly  I got reminded of this dream today and what it could possible mean. I was thinking today morning that ‘this is not who I am . . nor will this be who i will be. Someday I will blossom to who I really am…’  though the thought itself sounded good, I could not decipher what I have been feeling. There is some thing missing. Something is not what it used to be. It is like seeing your best friend after a few years and knowing he is not an iota of  what he used to be – it could be shocking and sad and yet no body else will understand what you go through – especially people who were always around the person would never have felt much of a difference as the change would have been gradual. I get the same feeling now. Now if we feel so disappointed about a friend changing and not being who he used to be, think of the shock one would have to face, to wake up and find that his own self is not what he thought it was. It is like seeing mirror after years to see your face seems like a stranger to you (stranger in the mirror haha).  And you’re so desperate to get back to who you were, maybe because you felt good about yourself then or maybe because you’re too used to thinking of yourself as that person and your mind just cannot accept the violation of an axiomatic truth. Pressing the button
Pressing the button in an elevator is an idempotent operation (haha pressing the button to summon an elevator is  what our teacher gave as example once when we studying idempotent operations in computer science – any operation which when repeated many times has same effect as it would had it been done once). But when I was a kid, I used to keep pressing the elevator button, as if it would accelerate to that floor understanding my urgency if I pressed the button hard many times. I have seen many people do it. And think of it this wat, if it indeed did accelerate whenever you pressed the button and suppose you were inside the elevator and were pressing the top floor’s button many times to get to that floor fast and then it shoots out through the roof – that’s what happens in my dream I guess. Maybe we’re really stuck in an elevator (But I guess considering the metaphorical context, it would be better to call it a car, say a rope car or something as an elevator takes you up and down whereas in life, there is no real ‘up’ or ‘down’. There are only different places )  we’ve been pressing the button too hard for far too long and the elevator has shot out of control! And now we realise that we did not want to go to that floor in the first place! what a tragic thing elevators can be . And now assume our mind is such elevator or cable car or what ever and we’ve been pushing the button to go faster each time a desire popped up in our mind – Everything begins as a desire – it can metamorphose to a pipe dream, a goal, a temptation, a sin, a service, an achievement, an accomplishment (now don’t ask me what’s the difference between the two, such statements need to be long and so  I add many words ;P), a tragedy, a play, a deceit and many other things. But there is an unnamed feeling when it arises in mind and it is plain desire. Many psychologists tell us  the mind works on only two motives – desire and fear. Anything we ever do is either out of desire to get something or out of fear of something and in an effort to avoid the fearful possibility (have read this in many books especially in Unleash The Giant Within by Anthony Robbins).  So  we have kept pressing too hard and the cable car or elevator car is one without a steering wheel! And so you cannot direct where it is going (true for the hypothetical horror elevator of my dreams) but you can make it move faster to wherever it is going. It’s like a car with only accelerator – no brakes or steering wheel. And we did not know the full deal when we walked into this elevator.   And now what if you wanted to stop the elevator and you desperately want to get out, if you want to go to the floor where you got in, is there a way out? Can you break open the elevator? Can you wake yourself up from the nightmare or should you get used to the interiors of elevators knowing it is going to be forever? Phew! So much for a simple, claustrophobic elevator! P.S. Don’t ask me ‘ithunaala nee enna solla vara?’ I firmly believe conclusions are over rated. Only thoughts matter P.P.S. Please comment about font size and type and readbility.